I Know You Aren't Really Interested But....

With our Ironman race only two weeks away, I find myself talking about it alot..with everyone. I am pretty sure some of the people I talk to about it aren't really interested in all I have to say but I tell them about it anyway. I realize this is my way of working through my anxiety. If I can just talk about my goals and my plan and what I am doing to accomplish my desired results, then it is all going to work out, right? I know it sounds crazy but for some reason talking about the race makes it seem more real, more concrete, and not just some future goal that I hope to accomplish someday. It is hard to explain, but after training for so long it almost doesn't seem real that we really are going to "DO" the race. Training has just become such a part of our life... eat, drink, sleep, train...that I have to remind myself that it will all come to an end in a couple of weeks. I know I will keep doing many of the things that I am doing now but not to the same degree or with the same committment and intensity. I actually told John last week that it made me feel a little depressed to think that we were almost done with our training. I have loved the training. I love how "fit" I feel. I love that I can now do things that seemed untouchable when we started this journey. I love the sense of accomplishment I felt when I got out of the lake on Monday after swimming 2.4 miles. I love that even after one of the most difficult bikerides I have had this season, with stomach issues and cramping and an overall bad attitude, I still finished it and I finished it with a good time. I love that I am feeling better and better on every run..even when it is 98 degrees.. and I love that feeling of exhaustion I feel knowing I have worked hard and given my workouts 100 percent. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I don't love it in the moment, but when all is said and done, I feel really great about it. There have been many conversations in my head during a long swim that were less than positive, like "Why exactly am I swimming across this lake for no apparent reason?" or "Seriously? I swear that buoy looked much closer the last time I looked." You have so much time to think during a triathlon because you are not allowed to use ipods during any part of the race so you have to swim, bike, and run to the beat of your own drum which in my case is not really a drum but multiple conversations with myself. I told John one of the hardest things for me during these long races is that I can't talk to anyone for a VERY long time. That is not something I am used to.. I like to talk to people, but since I am pretty much out there on my own with no music and no one to talk to, I talk to myself...not out loud.. at least, I try not to talk out loud..but silently, to myself. This can be a good thing and a bad thing depending on the conversation. The main goal is to talk to myself about something other than the heat, the fatigue or any pain I am experiencing. I try not to allow myself to swear at John for talking me into this and I try not to think about how many miles we have gone and how many miles we STILL have to go. I am really working on what conversations I need to have in my repertoire so during those moments when I might be struggling, I can pull the perfect thought off the shelf and focus on that for several miles. This is what I will be working on these last two weeks. This will be as important to my training as everything else I have done. That said, if I corner you and tell you all about something you really don't want to know so much about, remember this, what you say back to me could be the thought that gets me across that finish line.